How can we know if the person we are dating is really the one? We all want to be certain before we take the big leap into marriage but how can we be sure that we have found our soulmate?
Relationships can be hard. Picturing ourselves with a certain person for the rest of our lives… even harder.
What can we do to be sure we are dating the right person? More importantly, what does the bible say about all of this?
Deciding who we are going to marry is one of the biggest decisions of our lives. So it’s ok to have a lot of questions or even a lot of doubts. But it’s also important that we measure or doubts and questions against the biblical truth before we make any huge relationship decisions.
The biggest thing to remember is there are no perfect people only a perfect God. If we put our trust in Him he will lead us to a relationship made perfect in Him.
How to Find Your Soulmate
What Is A Soul Mate?
Anyone who has seen a romantic movie has probably heard of the idea of a soulmate. You know, that one person who was made just for you, perfect in every way, physically, emotionally, spiritually… the one who completes you.
So many people often wrap their minds around this idea that there is just one person in the world for them and that they will never truly be happy or “complete” until they find this person.
This is a dangerous way of thinking and can be completely toxic to your relationship. Our joy and feeling of completeness are not needs that can be found in or met by any other human being. But we’ll come back to that in a bit.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a soul mate as a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs. This is what we should be looking for in a mate.
Seeking someone with the same beliefs is crucial. We need to make sure that our relationship is not built upon each other but upon Jesus. The only way this is possible is if you and your mate are in Him and His word.
So what does His word say about soul mates?
Is A Soul Mate Biblical?
Short answer… no. I know there is probably going to be a lot of debate about this answer and I get it, the idea that there is someone out there who is made just for us sounds amazing.
But nowhere in scripture does it talk about there being one perfect person for us to marry.
This unbiblical idea of a soul mate eventually leads to nothing more than unnecessary doubts within a healthy relationship, or even worse, divorce.
The enemy is eager and waiting to bring division to the unity God has brought into your life. Don’t give him an opportunity to do so, instead bring biblical wisdom into these areas of uncertainty.
Instead of disappointment, the fact that the bible doesn’t say there is one perfect person for us should bring forth a sigh of relief. Believing that there is such a perfect person out there for you puts way too much pressure on you and your mate.
In Mark 10:7-9 Jesus said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
The truth is our soul mate is simply who we marry. According to scripture when we are united with our spouse we become one flesh. The only way this is possible is through biblical marriage, a marriage that is built on the love of Jesus Christ.
Even though there is no one perfect person for us, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that we should be looking for in our mate. It’s important that we use the bible to determine the kind of mate God wants us to find.
What Should We Look For In A Mate?
As Christians the first question we ask when dating needs to be: “What do you believe?” It’s so important that we are looking for mates who share the same belief as we do.
In 2 Corinthians Paul wrote, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
The words Paul used here perfectly illustrate this point. The differences between believers and non-believers aren’t the same as the differences we might share in other aspects of our lives. The difference in what we believe is the difference between life and death and a relationship that is not equally yoked will never last.
If we are honestly searching for someone who we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we need to look for someone who believes in Jesus Christ. There is no way around this one.
Everything else, what they look like, what they’re favorite restaurant is, what their sense of humor is like, ends up being fairly meaningless in the end. We all get old and beauty fades, our interests and tastes change and the things that bug us the most about a person tend to be the things we miss when that person is gone.
If we want God to lead us into a relationship with one of His children, we should first evaluate ourselves to see if we are someone Jesus would want lead one of His children to.
Seek Jesus First
If we want God to lead us to one of His children we need to make sure that we are allowing ourselves to be leadable. This requires seeking Him first and submitting to His will.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
If we can first put our trust in Jesus Christ with every part of our lives, not just the things that we feel incapable of doing but everything, and fully submit ourselves to His love, He will lead us to our soul mate.
Seeking Jesus first is the most important step in this journey. When we open ourselves up to a deep meaningful relationship with our Lord and Savior, we allow ourselves to be transformed into the man or woman God truly designed us to be.
When we allow God to do a transforming work within our hearts, we become capable of loving our mates with a love found only through knowing Him.
Putting all of our trust in God not only takes patience but it takes listening to His still small voice. Often to hear that voice we need to reignite our prayer life and refocus our attention on getting to know Him.
Before God lead me to the love of my life, I found true love in Him and I am forever grateful that He transformed my life from the inside out and forged me into the man I am today. In Him, I found my completeness.
Though God may not have one specific perfect person in mind for us to marry, when we allow ourselves to be transformed through Him, He will lead us to a mate equally made perfect in His love.